random.

50 Shades of Grey

This is a rant about 50 Shades of Grey, and why it has annoyed the shit out of me. Here we go…

…. IT IS TWILIGHT with an element of pornography… (probably the sex life of newly vampired Bella and Edward. Although we will never know considering it is a young adult series and that would be wildly inappropriate.) I will now tell you why…

Edward Cullen and Christian Grey are the same person because….

they are both gorgeous, rich as hell, love cars, buy their woman a car (even though they both really don’t want it), are stalkers, controllers, are monsters in their own way, are trying to change their monstrous ways for their new woman, they both play piano, they both let their woman experience “flying”, they both have awesome families although they are not blood related to them, they both have mysterious past that are revealed slowly…

Bella/Isabella Swan and Ana/Anastasia Steele are the same person because….

they are both smart and love to read (classic books), they are both in denial of their good looks and the effect they have on men, they are ditzy and fall often, they are virgins, they have divorced parents and erratic mothers, they fight with themselves for loving a freakshow, they like to dress badly, they refuse extravagant presents from their mans…

Jose … is Jacob. No explanation needed.

based in … WASHINGTON. 

a… TRILOGY.

 WT THE FUDGICLE! 

Sadly, I’m ordering 50 Shades Darker on Amazon as I write… FAIL. 

We need to thank Ms. Lady Gaga for the hair-bow. I love it because it’s really different, fun, and surprisingly simple to do. I’m super excited about this post since I actually had a hair-bow of my very own! Of course my sister did it, who can literally do anything with hair or make up (she’s fantastic). It seems you can do a very messy bow or a tight one like I did. I’ll post the tutorial I used to figure out how to do it after this post. PS use a lot of hair spray and bobby pins and your bow won’t move an inch!!

I love these little tuxedo nails! Although, I know if I ever attempted to do it on my own they wouldn’t look even CLOSE to the nails in these pictures. I have also grown tired of classic french manicures, and these twists are really cute. I especially love the matte nail color. I have yet to encounter a bottle of matte polish, but I will most certainly try it once I do. Even though I do not agree with acrylic tips, Hello Kitty is just adorable.

These tights are all Cynthia Rowley, and they go for around twenty-two bucks a pop. I think they’re pretty awesome. They probably give any outfit a “wow” factor, whatever that means. I think I’ll be waiting until next winter to buy some considering New York is rarely cold this winter. My favorite ones are the two tone and the sparkly on the back of the leg…adorable and kinda sexy.  

In case you didn’t know, I’m the worst girl of all time. I wake up fifteen minutes before I have to leave my house, and my morning beauty regimen includes: brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, putting moisturizer on my dry face which then becomes greasy, oh and that’s it. If I’m going out ( I wish this included work and school) I’ll put on bronzer, maybe blush, and eyeliner and mascara. My go to look is the “cat eye” which I think I have perfected. People get fancy with this by using a brush and liquid, but I just use a normal retractable black eyeliner and I sweep it out past the corner of my eye. When I go to a lounge or a club or something like that I’ll get fancy myself, meaning I’ll experiment with eyeshadow. When I was younger I used to use bright colors like green and blue, but now I mostly like the smokey eyed look with black or brown. Or I like it to look minimal with light browns and barely there colors with exaggerated black liner. I have brown eyes that could look pretty light with excessive black liner. Recently I’ve been trying to wear lipstick. I have two problems with lipstick: 1) God forgot to create my top lip, 2) My boyfriend is afraid to kiss me. Since my lips are so thin I have to make sure the color isn’t TOO much. When I wear a bright or dark red, I put a little on my lips directly and then I smudge it around with my lips or I use a brush. I want to try and find a nude and rose color too. I think natural looking lips are better suited for my face.  

My cruise was WONDERFUL, but now that I’m back I’ve been thinking about some other cool ways to travel. Traveling across the country in an old school train would be seriously awesome. I know you could travel on Amtrak trains, and they maybe have small sleep compartments, but I’m sure there’s nothing around anymore like The Hogwarts Express. When I was poking around the internet I found they have some trains in other countries that have glass all around so you could look around as you’re traveling, but I didn’t see anything good in the United States. BOO!

Tomorrow morning I shall embark on my anniversary cruise to the Bahamas!! I’m so excited especially since it’s eighteen degrees in New York right now. My body will probably go into shock from the weather change, and I’ll get even sicker than I’ve been all week. Vitamin C is on my checklist (just in case). My boyfriend and I will be celebrating the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of days we’ve spent together. Actually it’s more like one thousand, four hundred and sixty days together =] Incidentally we have already been on this exact cruise together, but we were with his family. When we were on this cruise two years ago, we wished we could come back together alone one day, and that day has finally come (due to extremely low prices). So basically, PEACE OUT, see ya next week, I won’t miss you.

I was watching “It’s Complicated” last night (for the five hundredth time) and was reminded of how great it would be to have a garden as gorgeous as Meryl Streep’s in this movie. Therefore I went snooping around the internet and found A LOT of amazing gardens. I noticed there were three groups of gardens: 1) a kind of tunnel of flowers, 2) organized flowers or trees into a certain pattern, 3) flowers and plants highlighting a stone or brick path. I think my favorite were the photos of the flower tunnels. Walking through that on a daily basis would be exceptionally lovely. I can’t even imagine the work involved in creating a garden that looks like any of these photos. I couldn’t even grow a sunflower this spring. Perhaps when I’m a retired teacher and my children are all grown up, and I have my dream house with my dream backyard, I can start working on my garden. I’ll read a few books on gardening and thennnn…easy peesy lemon squeezy, someone will be posting pics of my garden.